Fedrick

Fedrick looks at the world with sadness.. His eyes are different from those of the younger children.. He is 13 and a mixture of tenderness and a wall of toughness..

More than anything I want to hold him so tight as to have him forget his pain.. I know he is hurting but he is too strong to scream.. Instead he takes it all in..

His father died about a year ago and her mother is sick and was taken away. Her grandma used to take care of him and his brother and sister we she also fell ill and died recently.

Now he lives with his 14-year-old brother and 7-year-old sister.. An auntie supervises them.. And he often simply stays at the orphanage..

Fedrick is now a little man.. And could very well be really mad at the world, for his world is a very cruel one.. Instead he handles it with strength and finds ways to care for others and be fair..

He helps the most when building the chicken house.. Plows, carries trees, makes holes.. Not once he complains..


We are at the beach and I see him trying to swim.. He is poking his head out in such a way that prevents him from raising his arms properly, so I show him how to do it.. He pays good attention and then tries doing the same.. He is happy to be taught and I can tell he smiles from the heart.

It's our last day at the orphanage and we are having a party, so the kids
try to dress nicer.. Fed comes with suit pants, a white shirt and a click-on tie.. He looks so smart.. His sad eyes smile back when I tell him that he looks very handsome.. I hug him and can tell he feels a little uncomfortable, but I still hold him tight for a little while longer..

At the internet place he sits in front of one of the computers.. It's the first time someone takes him to such a place.. He stares at the screen with curiosity while listening to every word I say and nodding mesmerized.. He takes the mouse.. His first click.. Looks for each letter and types in a password for his newborn email account..

I show him the blog and when he sees his picture on it he turns to me with a puzzled look.. I show him how I transferred the pictures from the camera into the computer, as he follows my words with the mouse arrow..

I try to have him see some of the possibilities of the internet and explain the importance of computers.. He looks afraid and overwhelmed.. Probably too much information, but it's our last day and didn't want to leave without doing this one last thing..

Once already outside, I hug him one last time and kiss him goodbye..

I see him walking off into the night...

I want to run after him and tell him that everything is going to be alright.. That I will help.. That he deserves to be happy and be cared for..

Instead I swallow my tears, turn back and head home myself as well.......

Good bye Fedrick...